A Little About Me...

Like many others, I felt a need to be feminine at an early age.  My earliest memories of these desires go back to when I was 3 or 4 years old.  My mother had these ankle socks with colored pompoms on the back of them and she allowed me to wear them around the house.  To this day, I wonder what she thought of this.  Did she know what I would become even at such an early age?  Or did she merely see it as innocent exploration?  I often wonder how different my life would have progressed if I had been curious about even more girly things when I was that young.  Maybe my mother would have continued to encourage me.

As I grew older, I took notice of the girls in my neighborhood and at school.  I wasn't old enough to be attracted of them but I was definitely old enough to be jealous!  I loved their clothes - the dresses, the shoes, and especially the tights.  I wanted to wear tights so badly!  I wanted to know what it felt like to have something so tight and soft completely cover you from waist to toe.  One little girl in my class at school wore them every day and I would get in trouble for "daydreaming" in class when, in fact, I was fantasizing about what she must be feeling as she sat there at her desk.

By the fifth grade, I had only come up with two reasons for a boy to wear tights - costumes, which I only had the opportunity to wear at haloween, and ballet.  Both options seemed out of the question for me.  I couldn't possibly convince my parents to sign me up for dance lessons, and how in the world would I explain wearing tights to my friends?  I would be ridiculed by all of the boys, and probably most of the girls too, in my school and neighborhood.  At that age I couldn't risk being branded a sissy ( if I even understood what that meant back then), and I didn't want to be called gay either.  But I did want to wear tights very badly.

I think that my desire to wear those soft, silky, totally encasing white tights, is the reason that I love to see pictures of ballerinas.  Who know?  Under different circumstances, I could have been one of them.